Later that day, much to my surprise, the blue-eyed Asian boy had replied to my message. We struck up a correspondence that soon moved to video chat – where I learned that the blue-eyed Asian boy lookedEXACTLY like his profile! Well, except the eyes…it never occurred to me that people wear colored contacts, but it did not matter. We were finally talking, not just typing, and our first video chat lasted several hours.

Valentine’s Day 2013 marked more than 2,000 days since Jay’s work visa expired and he had to leave the US.

out4immigration.org

July 1987, an “Experiment in International Living”, that’s what they called the homestay trip that I took as a 16-year-old girl from the United States. I stayed with my Irish host family who immediately paired me with their 16-year-old niece, Karen. We became fast friends and found it impossible to say goodbye after my three short weeks in Ireland.

However, life moves forward and time passes. We kept in touch through snail mail for years, finally reconnecting in person in 2001 when I returned to Ireland for a brief vacation. Karen soon followed me to the U.S. for her own holiday that same year, just after the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Learning through that horrible event that life can be short, I returned to Ireland for another visit in February 2002 to explore exactly what this relationship was all about. Two full weeks of inseparable bliss; by the time my flight home landed for the layover from Dublin to Shannon I had decided I couldn’t live without her. I moved to Ireland to be with Karen in July 2002.

For a year I tried unsuccessfully to get a job in Ireland, while Karen had been laid off for months. With money running short and a job offer waiting for me in the States we decided to give it a go back in my home country. In September 2003 Karen moved to the U.S. to be with me. Yay! Or so we thought.

Over nine years and three lawyers later and we are still playing the U.S. visa game. We had to figure out a way for Karen to remain in this country and get her residency but also be able to travel home to visit her family. She started on the Visa Waiver, then applied to a Veterinary Technology Program and got an F-1 visa. She remained on this visa for two years and we were able to travel back to Ireland to visit her first nephew in his first few months of life, for his christening, and shortly after the birth of his brother. However, each time was a grueling event for Karen when passing through immigration. We were split up and Karen was often taken into another private room where she was grilled with questions as to why she was coming to the US, what connections did she have here, why couldn’t she go to school in Ireland. On one occasion they kept her so long that they were calling our names over the PA system over and over to board the plane. Each time, to our relief, she eventually was passed through to enter the U.S. again.

June 2006 we took a trip of a lifetime to Alaska. We unfortunately disembarked the cruise in Vancouver, Canada and flew to Toronto where we had to go through U.S. immigration before we boarded our flight for Philadelphia. As usual procedure, I went through the U.S. line and Karen had to go through the non-US citizen line. Once again we were separated. They took Karen into the inside office. This was a familiar procedure by now for us so I wasn’t too worried until I waited. And waited and waited and waited.

I am sure it was an hour or more I waited not knowing what was going on. Karen on the other hand was being harassed by a U.S. Customs Officer. It was after 5PM and the immigration officers were done for the day and Customs was handling her case.  He was very rude and refused to listen to anything Karen had to say. He took her I-94 out of her passport, saying it should have been removed when she left the country. This is not true as we found out later through our lawyer that travel in and out of Canada is allowed on her visa and they do not remove or issue new I-94. The officer finally allowed her entry in to the U.S. but under a 30-day waiver, no new I-94, and rudely told her to get it sorted.

It took us, with the help of our third immigration lawyer, almost a year to get that issue resolved. The lawyer has since assisted us with finding ways to keep Karen in the U.S. legally through training visas, an application for an alien worker visa, and currently another F-1 visa. The problem however, is that the lawyer advised Karen not to travel out of the country. If she did, she would have to go to a U.S. embassy to get her current visa put in her passport.

This may not seem like a big deal – but actually it is. It is up to an individual immigration officer to determine if he/she wants to grant the approved visa. We were advised that it was highly likely that the official would deny the visa on the basis that Karen has lived in the U.S. now for some time on non-immigrant visas, not to mention if they discovered our relationship. So despite the fact that Karen is legally in this country, we do not want to risk the life we have built here and therefore we do not travel out of the US.

Keeping Karen in the U.S. has been expensive: the legal fees and college tuition alone have cost us tens of thousands of dollars. But the real cost has been the loss of time
spent with loved ones. We have been fortunate enough that Karen’s family does visit often. But we miss so much. Not just special occasions like weddings, births and milestone birthdays but being together. It has been seven years since Karen and her two siblings have been in the same room together. That is the hard part.

June 2011, we married in Kent, Connecticut. We had a party here in the U.S. to celebrate with all our U.S. friends and family. It would have been wonderful if we could have traveled to Ireland for our honeymoon and had a celebration over there as well.

And so, this “Experiment in International Living” continues with us applying for whatever visa we can to keep Karen’s status legal. Waiting for the alien worker visa to come through, which will give her permanent residency and hoping one day our relationship will be recognized officially – either through Comprehensive Immigration Reform or the repeal of  DOMA – so I can apply for a visa based on our marriage,
like heterosexual couples are able to do.

out4immigration.org

American Rita Boyadjian and her German life partner, Mara, met in Cologne, Germany at a European Gay Pride celebration in 2002 while Rita was touring Europe on vacation. They fell madly in love and began a long-distance relationship. After 18-months of flying back and forth every 3 to 4 weeks while visiting on a tourist visa, Mara was able to obtain a student F-1 visa that allowed her to live legally in the U.S. for a four-year Bachelor’s degree program in Los Angeles.

From 2004 to 2008, Mara lived in the U.S. on her student visa. During that time, Rita and Mara bought a five-bedroom home to start their family and had a baby girl. Rita’s entertainment marketing business was thriving, and she created jobs for 20 Californians. The federal government and the state of California also enjoyed Rita’s business success, as Rita paid well over $1M a year in income tax; $250,000 in payroll taxes; $25,000 in City of Los Angeles taxes; and $30,000 in property tax each year.

But the American Dream was about to allude Rita and Mara. Mara’s student visa expired in August 2009, which was also the due date month for their second child. The couple was forced to interrupt the wonderful life they created in Los Angeles, and move to Germany in summer 2009 since the U.S. does not extend immigration rights to American citizens and with same-sex, non-U.S. citizen partners.

Mara (left) and Rita (right) now live in Germany. Rita’s Los Angeles-based business created more than 20 jobs for Americans, yet she has been forced into exile to keep her family together.

While Mara tried to pursue another student visa and a work visa, it was simply too difficult to raise a small child and be in the middle of a second pregnancy while going back to school or working full-time.

“I guess you can describe us as a non-traditional family with very traditional family values,” says Rita. “When we decided to have children together, we were committed to raising our children ourselves and not raising them with nannies or putting them in a daycare every day. We did not want other people raising our children so Mara could go to school or work full-time in order to fulfill visa requirements to remain in the U.S. I was earning enough money so that Mara could stay home with our children.”

Rita, who was born and raised in Los Angeles, had no other choice but to sell her L.A. home at a $250K loss and leave her thriving L.A.-based entertainment marketing business, her entire family who all live in Southern California, and three decades of friendships, in order to keep her family together in Germany, because Germany provides immigration rights for same-sex couples. Rita and Mara got married in Germany, and Rita was able to obtain a resident visa to live legally in Germany.

It is now 2013. Rita and Mara live near the city of Cologne, Germany and have three children. They have lived in exile since Mara’s student visa expired.

Rita reluctantly commutes between Germany and Los Angeles in order to keep her L.A. business alive.“I cannot begin to describe the anxiety I feel about leaving my business to run without me physically present,” says Rita. I fear my employees and my clients will tire of my inaccessibility. At the same time, I also worry about leaving my family in Germany every time I have to go to Los Angeles without them. What if something bad happens and I’m a 12-hour flight away? I feel doomed in each direction, as I don’t want to lose my business and I don’t want to lose my family. I’m angry and sad that I may have to choose between the two, after I have worked so hard to build this successful business and also have the good fortune to find love in my life.”

Rita is angry that she and Mara have played by the rules and for that they have been forced to leave America. “For four years Mara lived in the U.S. legally,” says Rita.“Even though male friends of ours had offered to marry Mara, we refused to break the law by doing such a thing, and instead were forced to leave the country. It’s imperative that we extend immigration rights to same-sex couples. It is high time we acknowledge the fact that there are gay and lesbian citizens across the nation that are being forced to choose between their love of country and the love of their lives.For gay and lesbian Americans, the pursuit of life, liberty and justice for all are simply words that mean nothing until Comprehensive Immigration Reform includes LGBT families or until DOMA is settled in June 2013.”

Rita is not the only one who suffers under this unfair situation, but also her parents and grandmother, her sister, her niece and nephews, her extended family, her employees, her business partner, her clients, her neighbors and her community. The United States is ultimately bound to suffer, should Rita close down her business and lose a productive U.S. citizen to Germany, taking with her the spirit of entrepreneurship and opportunity America is known for.

“When I told my neighbor about our situation, her five-year old son began to cry,” said Rita. “He could not understand why we would have to leave. How do you explain discrimination to a five-year old? I was speechless. His mother rhetorically asked, if a five-year old can learn about acceptance and love for one another, why can’t we adults?”

Are you a same sex binational couple? Do you have families / friends affected by this issue? Please contact us at http://bit.ly/O4ICountMeIn if you are interested in sharing your story.

out4immigration.org

July 1987, an “Experiment in International Living,” that’s what they called the homestay trip that I took as a 16-year-old girl from the United States. I stayed with my Irish host family who immediately paired me with their 16-year-old niece, Karen. We became fast friends and found it impossible to say goodbye after my three short weeks in Ireland.

Karen and Joy when they first met, as students in Ireland in 1987. Years later they met again and have endured years of complicated visa restrictions to stay together in America.

However, life moves forward and time passes. We kept in touch through snail mail for years, finally reconnecting in person in 2001 when I returned to Ireland for a brief vacation. Karen soon followed me to the U.S. for her own holiday that same year, just after the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Learning through that horrible event that life can be short, I returned to Ireland for another visit in February 2002 to explore exactly what this relationship was all about. Two full weeks of inseparable bliss; by the time my flight home landed for the layover from Dublin to Shannon I had decided I couldn’t live without her. I moved to Ireland to be with Karen in July 2002.

For a year I tried unsuccessfully to get a job in Ireland, while Karen had been laid off for months. With money running short and a job offer waiting for me in the States we decided to give it a go back in my home country. In September 2003 Karen moved to the U.S. to be with me. Yay! Or so we thought.

Over nine years and three lawyers later and we are still playing the U.S. visa game. We had to figure out a way for Karen to remain in this country and get her residency but also be able to travel home to visit her family. She started on the Visa Waiver, then applied to a Veterinary Technology Program and got an F-1 visa. She remained on this visa for two years and we were able to travel back to Ireland to visit her first nephew in his first few months of life, for his christening, and shortly after the birth of his brother. However, each time was a grueling event for Karen when passing through immigration. We were split up and Karen was often taken into another private room where she was grilled with questions as to why she was coming to the US, what connections did she have here, why couldn’t she go to school in Ireland. On one occasion they kept her so long that they were calling our names over the PA system over and over to board the plane. Each time, to our relief, she eventually was passed through to enter the U.S. again.

June 2006 we took a trip of a lifetime to Alaska. We unfortunately disembarked the cruise in Vancouver, Canada and flew to Toronto where we had to go through U.S. immigration before we boarded our flight for Philadelphia. As usual procedure, I went through the U.S. line and Karen had to go through the non-US citizen line. Once again we were separated. They took Karen into the inside office. This was a familiar procedure by now for us so I wasn’t too worried until I waited. And waited and waited and waited.

I am sure it was an hour or more I waited not knowing what was going on. Karen on the other hand was being harassed by a U.S. Customs Officer. It was after 5PM and the immigration officers were done for the day and Customs was handling her case. He was very rude and refused to listen to anything Karen had to say. He took her I-94 out of her passport, saying it should have been removed when she left the country. This is not true as we found out later through our lawyer that travel in and out of Canada is allowed on her visa and they do not remove or issue new I-94. The officer finally allowed her entry in to the U.S. but under a 30-day waiver, no new I-94, and rudely told her to get it sorted.

It took us, with the help of our third immigration lawyer, almost a year to get that issue resolved. The lawyer has since assisted us with finding ways to keep Karen in the U.S. legally through training visas, an application for an alien worker visa, and currently another F-1 visa. The problem however, is that the lawyer advised Karen not to travel out of the country. If she did, she would have to go to a U.S. embassy to get her current visa put in her passport.

This may not seem like a big deal – but actually it is. It is up to an individual immigration officer to determine if he/she wants to grant the approved visa. We were advised that it was highly likely that the official would deny the visa on the basis that Karen has lived in the U.S. now for some time on non-immigrant visas, not to mention if they discovered our relationship. So despite the fact that Karen is legally in this country, we do not want to risk the life we have built here and therefore we do not travel out of the US.

Keeping Karen in the U.S. has been expensive: the legal fees and college tuition alone have cost us tens of thousands of dollars. But the real cost has been the loss of time spent with loved ones. We have been fortunate enough that Karen’s family does visit often. But we miss so much. Not just special occasions like weddings, births and milestone birthdays but being together. It has been seven years since Karen and her two siblings have been in the same room together. That is the hard part.

June 2011, we married in Kent, Connecticut. We had a party here in the U.S. to celebrate with all our U.S. friends and family. It would have been wonderful if we could have traveled to Ireland for our honeymoon and had a celebration over there as well.

And so, this “Experiment in International Living” continues with us applying for whatever visa we can to keep Karen’s status legal. Waiting for the alien worker visa to come through, which will give her permanent residency and hoping one day our relationship will be recognized officially – either through Comprehensive Immigration Reform or the repeal of DOMA – so I can apply for a visa based on our marriage,
like heterosexual couples are able to do.

Are you a same sex binational couple? Do you have families / friends affected by this issue? Please contact us at http://bit.ly/O4ICountMeIn if you are interested in sharing your story.

out4immigration.org

Four Weddings on Two Continents, But Still No Recognition by U.S. Government

Ana and I “met” in 2008 while we were both participating in an online book club. Although Ana is a Portuguese national, she currently resides in the United Kingdom. We quickly became friends in the book club and in November of that year, I was fortunate enough to have a business meeting scheduled in London. It was during that trip that Ana and I met face to face for the first time. Although we considered ourselves to be “just friends” for approximately a year after that first meeting, we never went more than two or three days without corresponding with each other. At first it was only by email, but we were soon spending hours on the phone together learning more and more about each other. We quickly realized that our “friendship” was taking a turn and knew we had to meet again. This time it was in New York, where I live. It was clear to both of us that we were falling in love.

In early 2010, Ana flew over and we spent four beautiful days together. It was then that we just knew we were meant to be together forever.

Two years after we first met in the book club, on May 6, 2011, Ana and I celebrated our love for each other in front of more than 100 friends and family with a formal commitment ceremony on Long Island, New York. Then in July 2011, we entered into a legal civil partnership in the United Kingdom, celebrating with Ana’s family, who had flown in from Portugal to be with us on that special day.

When New York’s legislators passed the marriage equality bill in June that year we knew we wanted very much to be married so in August we exchanged wedding vows and became legally married! Finally, in November, I went to the Portuguese consulate in New York City to have our marriage officially recognized in Portugal, one of the 15 countries worldwide with equal marriage laws.

In some sense you might say we have now “married” each other four times and our MARRIAGE is now recognized on two continents. Without question, we have the love and support of our friends and family but not the U.S. government.

For the first two years one of us made the long flight from New York to London at least once a month. To visit the U.S., Ana enters under the ESTA/Visa Waiver Program since there is no long-term visa program she would be eligible. Over the past year, her stays here in the U.S. have been longer (less than the legal 90 days but sometimes for a couple of months at a time). At the end of a stay, she goes back to the U.K. for 10 days or so and then returns. Most times, I go with her. Although it has been a financial burden for both of us, we know that we would suffer, being apart.

This is not a way to live…traveling back and forth every couple of months. We are aware that Ana can be turned away at border control at a U.S. airport at any time, for any reason. I’m not even sure what my next steps should be to give her the best odds of not being turned away when entering the U.S. All I know is that no matter what it costs, I will do whatever I have to so that we can be together as much as possible! We are MARRIED and we want and NEED to be together yet we are viewed as nothing more than legal strangers by my own government.

This is cruel and heartbreaking. It forces us to live a life crossing the Atlantic Ocean, never knowing when an immigration officer might literally stop us from being together.

We are sharing our story because we believe that we must stand up and tell others about the reality that we are living. I am an American citizen. I expect to be treated the same as all other Americans. I have married the most wonderful woman, and I do not want to spend precious time apart from her. We should not have to exhaust ourselves or deplete our savings to be together. No opposite-sex married couple would ever be expected to do what we have been forced to do.

It is overwhelmingly obvious to everyone in our extended community of family and friends whether in the U.S. or abroad that this is cruel. We find ourselves explaining that although we are married, that means nothing to the American government. We see the puzzling looks on people’s faces when we explain that we have a recognized civil partnership in the United Kingdom that gives us the same rights as opposite-sex couples when it comes to immigration. But we want to live in the United States, and should be able to.

We know that the “Defense of Marriage Act” and our immigration laws are the only things standing between us and our future together in the United States. I cannot make this more clear: I do not want to be forced to leave my country, but we cannot build a future together separated by 3,600 miles. My love for Ana cannot wait. Equality for all lesbian and gay couples cannot wait.

out4immigration.org

And NOW we need a serious media machine to help get the message out that we have huge faith-based support, and vast support from the main immigration coalitions and campaigns.

We NEED the HRC and others to collectively launch a full media campaign strategy for us, and we need it immediately. The bill is being rushed, drafting is happening behind closed doors, and once filed in the Senate it’ll be tough to amend.

We need UAFA language in the bill as filed – period. And we need this demand out there and loud.

For this, we need a MOVEMENT MEDIA MACHINE that can:

1. Get the message out about our faith based support, which Immigration Equality has so wonderfully secured, but has not adequately promoted. 2,500 clergy from all 50 states and denominations, and a large group of organizations (listed below) Did you know this?

2. Respond to articles like this in the Washington Post & this piece even in the Huffington Post – which glorify the secret letter of a handful of Bishops. A HANDFUL OF BISHOPS and the USCCB media machine (HRC, GLAAD take note please), are dominating this conversation, and we are entirely absent it appears.

3. Get the message out about the support for gay family inclusion from leading immigration coalitions: FIRM (Fair Immigration Reform Movement), New Yorkers for Real Immigration Reform, Humane Immigration Rights of Los Angeles, The Congressional Hispanic Caucus, the Congressional Asian-Pacific Caucus, and the President’s principles. Did you know this?

AND BEYOND MEDIA WE NEED TO:

4. Get the LGBT Caucus organized and speaking on this. Where for example, is our set of principles or advocacy – public visible advocacy – for UAFA? For CIR? Why is Rep. Nadler the only voice on this?

5. We need a strategy to deal with Senator Graham.

6. We need to have rallies organized in New York targeting Senator Schumer. In Florida targeting Senator Rubio. In Nevada targeting Senator Reid. And McCain too. Get out from behind the desk people!

7. We need the Equality Federation to get the state equality groups involved in (a) getting letters from the state and local representatives to their Congressional delegations (one small group is doing this all by themselves, with one volunteer. WHY?); and (b) securing support from ALL THE state-wide immigration campaigns for UAFA inclusion in CIR. Is anyone doing this? Not to my knowledge.

8. As we wait our turn in line for LGBT equality, WE NEEED A MOVEMENT STRATEGY that has an operational goal to get UAFA included in CIR. NGLTF had a whole conference about this, but where is the campaign? An email is not a campaign. A conference is not a coalition. If it’s happening behind the scenes – its so deep – I can’t find it – and it’s too deep.

This is a plea for help from the gay binational couples. We are in deep stress and anxiety. We have worked tirelessly to be part of the immigration team, but our own movement is not present. We are abandoned, and our movement is invisible.

PLEASE HELP.

p.s. Here is the ist of faith based groups and advocacy organizations supporting UAFA from Immigration Equality. Is any group helping to build this list? What is YOUR group doing for gay bi-national couples?

African American Ministers In Action – Equal Justice Taskforce
ALEPH: Alliance for Jewish Renewal
Alliance of Baptists
American Catholic Church in the US
American Jewish Committee
American National Catholic Church
The Ancient Apostolic Communion
Association of Welcoming and Affirming Baptists (AWAB)
Believe Out Loud
Brethren Mennonite Council for LGBT Interests
Call to Action
Catholics for Equality
Central Conference of American Rabbis
Church World Service, Immigration and Refugee Program
Clergy United, Inc
Covenant Network of Presbyterians
DignityUSA
The Episcopal Church
Friends Committee on National Legislation
GLAD Alliance – Christian Church (Disciples of Christ)
Human Rights Campaign Foundation Religion and Faith Program
Institute for Welcoming Resources
IntegrityUSA
The Jewish Labor Committee
Jewish Reconstructionist Federation
Justice Action Network
Keshet
Lutherans Concerned of North America
Methodist Federation for Social Action
The United Methodist Inter-Agency Task Force on Immigration
Metropolitan Community Churches
More Light Presbyterians
North American Old Catholic Church
Old Catholic Apostolic Church of the Americas
Presbyterian Voices for Justice
Reconciling Ministries Network (United Methodists)
Union of Black Episcopalians
Union for Reform Judaism
United Church of Christ
United Methodist Church, General Board of Church and Society
United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism
Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations

I wanted to share the experience my wife Karin and I had attending President Obama’s speech on Comprehensive Immigration Reform (CIR) in Las Vegas this week.

I think it’s important to remember that we are all volunteers in the struggle to get green cards and permanency for our spouses and families. None of us are paid to do this work. Some of us have special talents we share. Others help by doing as asked, or getting other volunteers or whatever. Some may just make or collect donations. That’s great too. That’s what makes Out4Immigration a community – shared grassroots organizing and volunteering and success. Sometimes something too good to pass up happens, too. This was one of those times. But first, a bit of history…

Karin and I found out about O4I several years ago when I went to a town hall meeting on immigration in San Jose. Rep. Mike Honda and Rep. Luis Gutierrez headed it up. It was at a Catholic Church. I had recently shared my story with Mike, my Congressional Representative, and he had learned more about the issue facing same-sex binational couples. I was prepared to say something at the town hall, based on what we thought would happen that night. When we got to the church hall, two things happened that made me work harder to solve my problem. First, we were told that nothing about gays and lesbians could be shared at the hall that night. Ouch! And second, two guys came in wearing t-shirts that I thought were the coolest things I had ever seen. Turned out to be Amos and Mickey Lim, two of the founders of O4I. I asked them where I could get a shirt and I met O4I that night.

Get your t-shirt here!

Fast forward to 2013 and four more years of working to get a green card for my wife and get this issue solved for all of us. Where am I? In a high school gymnasium in Las Vegas, Nevada. Why? I’ve been invited by the White House to be at the President’s speech on CIR. Invited by the White House! At first, I told them we could not afford to come. But then we were urged to go by friends in the cause, Love Exiles Foundation, and then Karin got really excited and took money out of savings. In less than 24 hours of hearing about it, we were on the plane. Wow!

Over the years, I have shared on my blog how it feels to document your life while you live it. For any same-sex binational couple trying to get a green card, you know there are days when you are tired of everyone knowing your business, federal officials dictating your life choices, stress others don’t have, and just sheer exhaustion from the process.

Two very powerful moments happened…

We know all that. But somehow this event seemed to make that all go away for a bit. We felt empowered and hopeful. We clapped and cheered. But we also felt bad when the words we wanted to hear did not come from the President’s mouth as he stood on the podium. All was not lost or sad, though. Two very powerful moments happened and I can tell you with certainty because they happened to me and us.

Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano was to be seated behind us. As she walked in, I talked to her about our issue and shook her hand and thanked her for her efforts thus far. She said “It’s in the President’s proposal,” meaning inclusion of same-sex binational families in comprehensive immigration reform.

…we shook President Obama’s hand and reminded him we need his help. What did he say? “We won’t forget you! You’re in there!”

As the President concluded his speech, he did the rope line – shaking hands along the edge of the seating area. Since we had been given front row seats, Karin and I were at the rope line! In spite of the crush of people who surged behind us and pushed us into the barrier, we shook President Obama’s hand and reminded him we need his help. What did he say? “We won’t forget you! You’re in there!” Wow! We were both shaking his hands at the time. It was surreal – really surreal.

So we felt terrific about those two moments, along with all the day’s other wonderful bits, as Karin would say. Who came in and sat next to us? Jose Antonio Vargas, that’s who! He and I screamed and hugged like middle school girls – we love each other so and respect each other’s work so. I got my photo taken with Secretary of Labor Hilda Solis before we entered the gym. That was terrific! We met a staffer from the White House Office of Engagement, Julie, who will be getting a signed copy of my book in the mail soon. I met several elected officials and immigration organization executives who were interested in our slice of the immigration reform pie and they will be getting signed books, too.

Speaker John Perez from the California State Assembly was there and we got duck pins from him after Karin asked if he had any ducks with him. We learned of his hobby in Sacramento in 2011 when we were there as I got an award for my LGBT activism from the State Assembly.

Our young friend Omar Torres from San Jose came to the event – we got him a ticket after he contacted me. I love to see younger folks doing the work and learning the ropes so we know immigration and civil rights work will continue. Guess I feel like a mother hen, but that’s ok!

Of course being in Las Vegas, we had to have a little tourist time. We made a few bucks on a nickel machine to help pay the plane and food bills. We walked around a bit and saw interesting things.

But I blogged and talked to reporters too. It wasn’t all just play, that’s for sure. I encourage you to read the blog I wrote about the speech event before it happened. Go to: http://tornapart.findhornpress.com/?p=11345

For the blog I wrote after the speech is at this link. Go to http://tornapart.findhornpress.com/?p=11361

The complete immigration reform proposal from President Obama, which includes same-sex binational couples/families is in this blog, Go to: http://tornapart.findhornpress.com/?p=11408

We were thrilled to get this picture from our family in the UK who saw us this close to the President on their TV!

If you want to follow my adventures trying to get the U.S. government to recognize my marriage, go to: http://tornapart.findhornpress.com

You can see the Torn Apart: United by Love, Divided by Law Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Torn-Apart-United-by-Love-Divided-by-Law/116343758442046?ref=hl

You can see the Torn Apart: United by Love, Divided by Law Portrait Project Facebook page at

https://www.facebook.com/unitedbylovedividedbylaw?ref=hl

You can also follow me on twitter @tornapartbook

My favorite photo of our trip to Vegas? My wife Karin and a couple of showgirls!

Judy Rickard is the author of Torn Apart: United by Love, Divided by Law, a book which documents the lives of more than 20 same-sex binational couples affected by exclusion of equal immigration rights for gay and lesbian Americans in realtionships with foreign nationals. Judy generously donates royalties from the book’s sales to three groups working with same-sex binationals – Out4Immigration, Love Exiles and Immigration Equality. The phrase “United by Love, Divided by Law” was coined by Out4Immigration. Judy uses the phrase as a subtitle to her book with our permission. If you have a project you would like to launch using the phrase, or to volunteer with Out4Immigration, contact us at info@out4immigration.org.

out4immigration.blogspot.com

I am a music teacher in San Antonio, Texas, and have spent much of my
life developing a mastery of the piano, the organ, and the voice.  I
also love computers and online social networks, which is where I
ultimately met my [now] husband, Stuart Metcalfe(-LeSieur).

Three years ago, I found Facebook — and thus a limitless opportunity
to meet all sorts of people from all over the world. I was just coming
out as a gay man and found the freedom of Facebook to be an incredibly
powerful way to explore my emerging identity. As I waded through new
Facebook friends, one in particular caught my attention — Stuart. I
watched a video he had posted to Facebook — complete with charming
British accent, which I immediately recognized after having been
stationed in the United Kingdom while in the military. He was putting
himself down for how he looked on camera, and I wrote back to affirm how
great the video was — beginning an ongoing conversation of texts,
chats, emails, and eventually Skype.

The first time we Skyped, I was so nervous and flustered that the
only thing I could manage to get out was, “Hi! I like Monty Python!”
Stuart was patient with me, suggesting that I might want to check out
some more updated forms of British humor — and thus we began a
friendship based in humor and deep conversations about nearly everything
under the sun. As I went through a painful divorce that summer, Stuart
was one of my biggest emotional supports — and my family soon welcomed
him into the fold through Skype sessions of their own.

We continued to navigate our emerging relationship and tried to
cobble together the money to see and talk with one another across the
distance. I had never thought about the lengths that binational same-sex
couples go to in order to be with one another, and the stress that adds
to new — and even seasoned — relationships. We finally uttered the “L”
word to one another — declaring our love even as Stuart was traveling in
Egypt and I was in South Texas. When Stuart visited me in San Antonio
soon thereafter, I dropped to one knee and asked him to marry me. He
said yes, and we spent the next 19 months trying to figure out how to
navigate the process of getting married in the United States and
building a life here with my children.

My parents gave their blessing whole-heartedly and we married in my
hometown in Massachusetts by a long-time friend of the family. Stuart
can only visit the U.S. twice a year for about three weeks at a time,
and we have no mechanism for him to move here permanently as long as the
Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) is in place. His visits here require
massive overtime work from him in order to afford each trip and to build
up vacation days to spend with me. Those visits are met with great
anticipation but, even with the joy of his arrival, there is always a
looming sadness that the clock is ticking until his departure. Each time
I drop him off at the airport, it’s like having my entire being ripped
out of my body. Losing my spouse for such long periods of time tears me
apart spiritually and emotionally — our home runs so beautifully when
our children have two loving fathers physically at home, but I become
overwhelmed when I return again to being a single father.

Despite being legally married in the state of Massachusetts, we
cannot apply for a spousal visa so that Stuart and I can build a life
together here in the United States. No marriage should have to endure
this kind of stress and separation simply because of a discriminatory
law. We’re simply asking for a chance to be together and to share the
same civil rights that our friends, neighbors, and family enjoy.
Holidays are especially difficult — it’s hard to decorate the house or
enjoy the season when I’m longing for the day I can wake up early on a
holiday morning to share a cup of coffee with my husband. Until the day
that we truly see equal protection under the law for all, I’m left
holding that cold cup of coffee alone — longing for the warm and loving
home that my husband and I deserve.

out4immigration.blogspot.com

out4immigration.blogspot.com